Dom Davis (The Blog)

I’ve blogged before (on a previous blog I think) about emails from Camelot regarding lottery tickets. My argument was that the subject line was graded so you’d know at a glance if you were looking at a life changing win, a windfall or chump change. I’m not sure if Camelot have heeded my advice, but I’m sure the emails used to say “Good news…” rather than just “News…”. Perhaps the good is now reserved for larger amounts. I don’t know. I’ve not won any.

What I have discovered is that the thrill, excitement and anticipation I used to have on receiving those tickets has been replaced with jaded cynicism. No longer do I wonder if I’m an overnight millionaire, now I just assume £10. The reason is pure and simple. With the exception of one time when I matched 4 numbers and got £60 something I have either received £10 (lotto), £5 (thunderball – which I no longer play) or some pathetic amount like £2.67 (Euromillions, which for me has really been Europence with a total winnings of under £10).

Of late we’ve rather been on a bit of a winning streak with 3 lotto wins (totalling £30) and two Europence wins (totalling just over a fiver) which seems to have turned me into an ungrateful bastard. After all, £35 is better than a swift kick in the teeth and it means we’re only a few quid down on those two months (£9 per month lotto via direct debit and £18 spent on Europence). But no, the green monster looks at the odd couple who won one hundred and something stupid million and seven fucking pence (because when you’re that rich 7p is important) and says “why couldn’t that be us? We have a baby to house and a desperate desire to replace work with a series of five star adventure holidays round the world, we deserve that money!”. I mean, have you seen how much it costs to go on safari in Africa? And I mean properly on Safari, not slumming it. It’s close to £100,000 for a month. That’s not going to happen without a proper Lottery win.

So yes, Camelot have got it right now; it is news about my ticket. Hey ho. There’s always Saturdays draw.

The Zozo and I have an online account with Camelot that’s set up to play a single set of numbers in the Saturday and Wednesday draws. This was done a while ago and been quietly taking £8 or £9 of our money (depending on the number of draws that month) and automatically finding out that our numbers match between zero and two of the numbers in the draw for a while now. The account had been so quiet that I’d actually forgotten about it.

While I never really expected our lottery account to net us millions (although it would be nice) I had rather hoped that it would be slightly less one sided. I can’t remember how long it’s been set up for, but it’s got to be over a year, and to win nothing in over 100 draws is pretty poor. Yes, I know a percentage of our money has gone to ‘charidee’, but let’s face it, the only reason any of us play is the hope that it will fulfil the old adage that charity begins at home. £10,000,000 would make for a very happy Dom, and I’m pretty sure The Zozo wouldn’t say no.

Today our account became slightly less lopsided when I got an email from “National Lottery play by Direct Debit”. My winnings, it said, had been paid into my bank account. Splendid! I had to admit there was a small tinge of excitement. The last time I won by direct debit was well over two years ago with my old account and the emails were entitled “Good news about your National Lottery account!” or something similarly exciting. Apart from one win of fifty something pounds the good news was always a £10 win (lotto) or £5 (thunderball). I didn’t know if they’d retired the old subject for something more austere or if this email heralded a win that would pay for slightly more than a couple of drinks.

Stood, as I was, on the platform at Cromer station finding out was a bit fiddly. Mobile Internet on anything but 3 in Cromer isn’t the fastest in the world, them there was the trying to remember the log in details, then the acknowledging that I was in the UK, the accepting of new terms and conditions and the trying to remember where it was they hid the details of winnings for the direct debit games. All this on a 3″ screen.

As you’ve probably guessed, and as I had suspected deep down, the winnings totalled £10. After all the faff this was rather an anticlimax, especially since I seem to remember the jackpot being advertised as £10,000,000 for this draw.

Still, the account now has a figure on the income side and this month, at least, has paid for itself. There are still many draws to come and many billions of pounds to not win. In the mean time I’ll continue heading to work to get my money the old fashioned way.