Dom Davis (The Blog)

Today’s original post has been cancelled. It required a bit of fire in the belly to write and was shaping up to be a doozy, however, things have fallen a bit flat this morning.

Both Pinky and The Brain have been ill recently. They were two of the original four mice we got and so are among the oldest of the six we have. Each time they’ve looked a little wobbly The Zozo has nursed them back to health.

This morning we went downstairs to be greeted by 5 happy faces. The Brain was nowhere to be seen. The Zozo found her curled up in her bedding looking very thin and bedraggled. She spent breakfast on The Zozos lap asleep and while she has perked up a bit I’m braced for the worst when I get home.

Now I know what you’re thinking, but they’re not just mice, they’re our mice, they’re part of the family and losing one will be very sad.

“~/o inside everybody cries / inside everybody melts o/~”

It’s interesting to see the effect that popular culture has on vocabulary. For instance, last night The Zozo was out visiting a friend so I was home alone¹. Me being me I grabbed some instance food and went to play Oblivion.

Now, depending on who you are and your exposure to gaming that last sentence could be perfectly understandable or utterly meaningless. You’ve probably worked out that Oblivion is some form of computer game, and you’d be right. The term ‘instance food’ might take some explaining though.

The term ‘instance’ in this context comes from games like World of Warcraft. You, and many other players, share a game world so as you’re running about you can see lots of other players running about. There are, however, special areas in the game where it’s just you and your group. A new instance of the dungeon is created for each group that goes in. Because of this they’re referred to as instances.

Still with me? Good. Now, an instance generally contains the hardest monsters and the best loot in the game. To beat them you need groups of 5 to 40 people with some instances taking several hours to complete. Being an online game there is no pause button. You can’t just quickly pause and nip off to the loo (well, you can but you run the risk of your character dying and, depending on their role in the group, making it much harder, if not impossible for everyone else). To get round this lack of pausing groups generally take a small break (sometimes referred to as a bio break) after clearing each area. The breaks are normally no longer than 5 minutes and let people go pee, smoke or whatever it is they need to do before pressing on.

Obviously 5 minutes isn’t the longest time so if you’re wanting food it needs to be prepared fast and be something that can be eaten at the computer while playing without really impacting on your ability to play². This can be a little limiting, but you can get creative. Said food is referred to as ‘instance food’. Unsurprisingly toast, crisps and microwavable ready meals are the mainstay of instance food.

While primarily used in the context of online gaming, ‘instance food’ can refer to any quick snack prepared to be eaten while doing something on the computer. So there you go. You’ve possibly learned something new today, and I’ve managed to spin “I ate shit and played games all night” into an entire post

¹Eventually. There was the tiny issue of her leaving before I got home and me forgetting my keys. Again. Thankfully there’s a spare set at the Zoo.
² If you’re struggling to understand why you might want to consider that both World of Warcraft and Everquest (another online game) are referred to as World of Warcrack and Evercrack respectively. There is a reason for that.

So, annoyingly, having not undergone a general anaesthetic yesterday and, therefore, not having had my insides poked about a bit, I can no longer claim I’m unfit for work¹. The upshot of this being that I’m now on a train to Norwich after having not had a lie-in with The Zozo. I shall then be spending the day at a desk and not with The Zozo, who had planned her days off round this little adventure.

While the fact that they didn’t ram a telescope, laser, and God knows what else where they have no right to ram anything isn’t something that upsets me greatly, there are knock on problems. Its going to have to happen at some point so time off needs to be rescheduled (again, this bring the second cancellation); this isn’t as easy for The Zozo as it is for me due to the nature of the work. I’ve now got 3 days of stuff I was going to do Wednesday-Friday while convalescing which I need to cram in elsewhere. Worst of all, I miss a day off with my wife. Our next day off tomorrow, resplendent with lie-in, isn’t until Boxing Day

¹At least no more than usual.

People handle grief differently. I tend to be very private with my grief getting through the more public parts of the day by listening to very loud, very aggressive music and eating crap. Since I couldn’t be there I marked my grandmothers funeral today by stuffing my face with one of those individually wrapped portions of Cadburys Fruit and Nut (the 200 gram one so it’s more than 1 mouthful).

I’ve eaten a lot of crap this week so the diet should probably begin again in ernest tomorrow. That said, I am a lot happier with my shape these days and I did notice the other day that I had the body of an Athlete¹ so that’s OK.

¹ OK, so maybe not the body of an athlete, but I do have the feet of an athlete at least… OK, OK, I have athletes foot. Happy now?

On Sunday, just as we were getting ready for squash, The Zozos phone rang. She didn’t get to it in time, ended up throwing the phone across the room as she lunged for it and missed the call. The number was withheld so we just did the whole “If it’s important they’ll phone back” thing.

On the way to the car my phone beeped. New voice mail for my brother. Almost exactly the same time Zos phone beeps. She’s also got voice mail. Before either of us can check it a text pops up on my phone. My brother: call him as soon as I can.

I’ve been here before. Nothing generates a flurry of voicemail and texts like a death in the family. My Grandmother had suffered a fatal heart attack which was one hell of a shock and once again it was my poor old brother having to dish out the news while I stood there in the middle of the carpark looking shellshocked.

So yes. The adage is true. If it’s important they will call back. Just pray they don’t.