Dom Davis (The Blog)

Sadly it seems that the #1 search term for finding this blog is for the lyrics of the We Buy Any Car [Dot Com] advert, which I covered here. You’re probably aware that there is a new advert out, and in fact has been for some time now. Meanwhile I have been remiss in my duties to bring to you, my readership, the updated lyrics; mainly, I should point out, because I can’t remember them. I do, however, have the advert on pause right now and we can learn the new lyrics together. They go as such:

[Bored housewife] I just sold my car, quick, quick
[Mixed race geezer] I just sold my car, quick, quick
[Montage of posh idiots] Very / Snappy / Totally / Speedy
[Member of the IRA] I just sold my car, fur [or possibly fair, it's hard to tell] deal
[Two ASBOs] I just sold my car, fair deal
[Another montage] Nice / Price / Cheers / Dears [?]
[Uncool dad in garage] We’ve just sold a car
[Essex family] Risk free. We’ve just sold a car, Risk free
[Doddery old couple] Safely / Soundly
[Improbably couple] Trouble free / ‘Hehe’
[Annoying rapper dude] Enter. Your. Reg. Number. Now. At we buy any car [dot com]

So there you go. It’s also the first time I’ve actually worked out what the annoying rapper was saying as previously I thought it was something like ‘M.C. Eurage Number one, at we buy any car [dot com]‘, which is probably why I didn’t find any rappers under the name of M.C. Eurage.

Now lets watch those search stats rocket.

Last night The Zozo and I were subjected to the new 2010 advert for webuyanycar.com, a low budget affair that relies on the musical equivalent of malaria¹ to lodge itself in the brain. The lyrics of the tune as follows:

webuyanycar.com, webuyanycar.com, webuyanycar.com – any, any, any any.
webuyanycar.com – any make, any model, any age, any price, from fifty quid to a hundred grand.
webuyanycar.com, webuyanycar.com, webuyanycar.com – any, any, any any.
webuyanycar.com – buy a newer car and don’t part ex, you may get a better deal when you buy next.
webuyanycar.com – enter your reg number now at webuyanycar.com.

Most important to note is the ‘dot com’ part of ‘we buy any car dot com’ is said in a slightly different voice and it is this that makes the tune so hard to remove from the brain once it’s got lodged there.

This morning The Zozo and I have both been suffering from having this tune stuck in our brains and it’s not got to the stage where she will go ‘we buy any car’ and I will go ‘dot com’. Worse still, I’m not putting ‘dot com’ on the end of bloody everything [dot com]… see!!

I’m hoping the meme will burn itself out but in the mean time I’m trying not to go crazy with the little voice in my head going ‘dot com’ to everything [dot com]. Gaaaaahhhhh!!!! Make it stop!².

¹Highly infectious and not pleasant if you have it

²dot com

Due to the fact my friends are spread over rather a large geographic area we find the best way to stay in contact is via email. To facilitate this one group of friends has a mailing list including 12 or so people where we discuss… well, crap really. Yesterday one of the group proffered this rather lame joke to the group:

This prompted another member of the group to enquire:

I hate to be frightfully unhip once more, but I’ve been struggling with working out what the flip Mr Dogg is saying here:

So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G’s to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo

Can anyone translate into English please?

He does rather have a point. A few obligatory one liner responses then ensued before this absolute gem was offered. Sadly I cannot claim it as my own work but I thought I should share it:

Roughly:

1. The suggestion is to not change the dizzle (in this case either the “dial” or “disc” in the case of CDs), and instead to turn it up (i.e. louder) which will probably mask the actions in line three.

2. I got a living room full of fine (attractive) ten-dollar call girls (brizzle’s etymology is unclear, although it could be a reduction of a woman to an individual body part, i.e. breast, as is used in the term “broad”).  The proclamation of the company of attractive women is used in a braggart style both to indicate the rapper’s ability to lure the opposite sex, as well as the implication in this case that they work for him in the standard hooker/pimp relationship.

3. He’s waiting on the Pizzle (pipe – to be used for crack or marijuana, most likely the latter), the Dizzle (in this case he means the dealer, or, the buy of aforementioned narcotics), and the Shizzle (this is “the shit” or the actual drugs referenced).  The capitalization of the letters in the lyric indicate that these are important things, as opposed to the jovial nature of other lines.

4. G’s are either the term “gangstas” (sometimes spelled with a trailing “Z” instead), and the reference here is that the drugs would be dealt and taken in the back room (contrary to belief that it would be done out in the open, since the money and weapons indicate that most deals happen in privacy), and the “gizzo” here is in “ladies here we go,” an indicator that now the drugs have been taken, the social outing will take on different characteristics.

Genius