Today’s original post has been cancelled. It required a bit of fire in the belly to write and was shaping up to be a doozy, however, things have fallen a bit flat this morning.
Both Pinky and The Brain have been ill recently. They were two of the original four mice we got and so are among the oldest of the six we have. Each time they’ve looked a little wobbly The Zozo has nursed them back to health.
This morning we went downstairs to be greeted by 5 happy faces. The Brain was nowhere to be seen. The Zozo found her curled up in her bedding looking very thin and bedraggled. She spent breakfast on The Zozos lap asleep and while she has perked up a bit I’m braced for the worst when I get home.
Now I know what you’re thinking, but they’re not just mice, they’re our mice, they’re part of the family and losing one will be very sad.
Do you know why I know you don’t have the flu? Because you’re reading this! If you had flu you’d be curled up in bed, getting on with the process of dying or, worse, curled up in the shower sobbing pitifully while your body enacts a brutal evacuation plan from all available exits at the same time. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not pretty. Flu makes you its bitch for for days, possibly even weeks and it makes you know when you’ve got it. No, my friend, what you have is a cold.
I too have a cold, a particularly unpleasant one at that, which many would probably elevate to flu status, however, I have an excuse to be at home, wrapped up under the duvet. You see my cold, and the cold sores I’m getting, and the wicked throat infection, are all courtesy of a shot immune system brought on by quite a bad kidney infection which, along with persistent and quite annoying gout in both feet, appears to be the side effect of a kidney stone. One which the NHS have failed to remove. Twice.
The reason I mention flu is because its one of the few things that will stop me playing computer games. Chronic also has this effect, as do some of the more severe kidney infections and, for different reasons, kidney stones, although to be fair I’ve historically collapsed at work with those rather than at home. What they all have in common is a certain amount of waiting for, wishing for, or actively begging for death. You can imagine my consternation, therefore, when on the morning on the 27th with no wife and my few chores completed my body decided that rather than firing up the big computer and having a blast on a game of my choice it would rather curl up on the bed and drift vaguely in and out of conciousness. As an avid fan of House I decided to use differential diagnosis to determine the nature of my illness wile I lay there. The slight fever and mild hallucinations might have also played a part here.
First up, kidney stones. A lack of sudden, sharp stabbing pain like someone has plunged a red hot knife deep into your lower back rather ruled that out. Yes, my kidneys hurt, but not in a pick your pain wracked body off the floor type way. I mean, yes, I have a kidney stone, but it’s not on the scale of some of the monsters I’ve hatched and it’s been relatively well behaved since Valentines Day when it decided to treat The Zozo to a trip to A&E. Perhaps it knows we’re coming to get it. Actually I suspect the sudden reduced liquid intake in preparation for the removal is the cause of most of my current problems. Anyway, I digress…
Flu then? I’ve found with flu that you generally have some indication that it’s coming. There was no indication about this. No achy arms and legs. No plunge beyond the general cold symptoms and into the depths of flu. There was also no requirement to retreat to the shower. In fact no nausea at all, or indeed… other things. Not flu.
Lack of nausea also ruled out pylonephritis too, chronic or otherwise. The tiredness and kidney pain matched, but the desire to constantly vomit wasn’t there and there wasn’t the 6 months of feeling run down before hand.
What we’re left with is kidney infection. High temperature, extreme tiredness, pain in the kidneys, burning sensation when peeing. Yup, kidney infection. In time this leads to temperatures of well over 100, vomiting, sweat fuelled nights, extreme tiredness and a body that’s unable to fight off anything else. Like, for example, general colds and the like that you’d get from waiting at the out of hours doctors surgery, such as the type they have at North Walsham Hospital to deal with people like me on bank holidays.
So no, I don’t have flu, I have a cold. But I get to curl up on the sofa and be waited on hand and foot while my wife tends to me, because, unlike you, it’s not just a cold. It’s a cold, among other things. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have the majority of our bathroom medicine cabinet to tip down my throat in order to try and make me feel vaguely human again.
On Sunday, just as we were getting ready for squash, The Zozos phone rang. She didn’t get to it in time, ended up throwing the phone across the room as she lunged for it and missed the call. The number was withheld so we just did the whole “If it’s important they’ll phone back” thing.
On the way to the car my phone beeped. New voice mail for my brother. Almost exactly the same time Zos phone beeps. She’s also got voice mail. Before either of us can check it a text pops up on my phone. My brother: call him as soon as I can.
I’ve been here before. Nothing generates a flurry of voicemail and texts like a death in the family. My Grandmother had suffered a fatal heart attack which was one hell of a shock and once again it was my poor old brother having to dish out the news while I stood there in the middle of the carpark looking shellshocked.
So yes. The adage is true. If it’s important they will call back. Just pray they don’t.
