Dom Davis (The Blog)

Some time ago The Zozo and I ate lunch in an Italian in the centre of Norwich. The restaurant itself was nothing special, but what was special was the chilli oil. Most chilli oil you buy is pathetic but this had bite. Not only that, but one of the little chillies in the bottle fell out onto my pizza while I was pouring the oil on and it was seriously hot. Needless to say I found out where i could buy this stuff and ordered a load for home.

Since this chilli oil contains really chillies it actually improves over time and I’ve taken to keeping the old chillies and just adding more oil and more chillies to the bottle. The oil is now so hot that I can’t even use it for cooking if The Zozo is having any. It’s good stuff!

To celebrate the arrival of Willow (and to also congratulate the team on some big releases we’ve got out – but mainly Willow) I’ve decided we’re going to have Pizza at work for lunch today. In order to maximise the pizza experience I’ve also bought in my bottle of chilli oil. I haven’t decided what pizza I’m having yet, but I do no that whichever one it is, it’s going to be hot

In a bid to encourage Nubbin into the world The Zozo decided to try spicy food last night. While the “go to” food in this instance is usually curry (and believe me, had I been hungry we would have made a visit to the Cromer Tandoori) I went a bit off piste and suggested spag bol.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, spag bol isn’t exactly the spiciest food in the world, but please don’t let the name confuse you. My spag bol can have a real kick. It’s also served with other forms of pasta that spaghetti. It’s based on what I used to call “mince creation” that I made at university but these days I’m rich and can afford jars of bolognese and when it gets spicy it probably bears more relation to chilli than anything else.

So, to prepare you oil the pan with chilli oil (that I’ve been improving for about a year now, adding the chillies from the old bottle to the new one as I use it up. It’s now 50% chillies and will bring a warmth to the lips when used to cook anything.

Add the mince. I threw in a large pack so I could freeze some. I think it was 400g. May have been more. You want lean mince. Spice with smoked paprika, garam masala, cumin and whatever other curry spices you may have. No more than half a teaspoon of each. Add an oxo cube. Bung in some dried herbs. If you want to add a bit of fun into the mix bung in a packet of old el-passo taco mix, I did Splash of soy sauce and some worcestershire sauce to add some liquid back in and cook off until browned.

Bung in some chopped veg. A sweet pepper, trimmed fine beans, asparagus, sweet corn, that kind of thing and, ooooh, half a teaspoon of chopped chilies. Cook for a few more minutes, then add some Lloyd Grossman tomato and chilli bolognese sauce. Leave to simmer for 15 minutes while you cook the pasta.

Meanwhile grab a teaspoon and take a small sample to your wife. At this point the dish is what I would call normal for my taste. Not spicy, just a little piquancy to add some fun to the dish. The Zozo has a lower tolerance for spice than me so we’re wanting to find a happy middle ground that might spark of labor but not result in her head being blown off. She wanted more spice.

While simmering add another half teaspoon of chopped chillies. Stir and take a second sample to your wife. A teaspoon of the very lazy chopped chillies is what I’d usually use in a meal for 1, and a very spicy meal it is thank you very much, however, that’s a smaller quantity of food and usually in a dish that The Zozo calls “stinky fish”. A slightly better name would be spicy teriyaki salmon. I’m guessing we’re probably at 1/4 the amount given the volume of food, but I’m not sure how the other ingredients will act to enhance or hide the spiciness. More spice.

While simmering add another teaspoon of chopped chillis, stir, taste yourself, decide its lame and and two more teaspoons of chopped chillies, another third of a teaspoon for good measure and a real good helping of tabasco sauce (probably about 20 shakes), stir some more and serve. We had ours with tubey pasta, but you can also have it with bow pasta, twirly pasta or shell pasta, or indeed any pasta you like. Forgo the cheese because you didn’t realise you’d run out, but serve with nice garlic flatbread and, if you’re a pregnant lady with a low tolerance for spice, several glasses of milk.

Personally I thought it was a tour de force, although maybe a little heavy on the tabasco as that has a tendency to flavour things, which was just on the cusp of being very spicy. We’re I to make it again I’d possibly use four and a half spoons of chillies instead of four and a third and forgo 10 shakes of the tabasco.

There was two servings left over from dinner so I put one in the fridge for me tonight and one in the freezer. I may see if I can get some microwave pasta and take the third serving into work with me tomorrow. I can’t see The Zozo having any more. It didn’t bring on labour and I think she found it quite hard going, poor thing.

So after doing lots of research it would appear there is substance behind low carb diets (what I like to call the All Kebab Diet). My studies are still ongoing but it would appear that there are no medically verified reasons why reduced carb diets at the very least shouldn’t be attempted. The jury is still out for me regarding the low carb diets and I need to do more investigation.

That said, I’m not entirely sure I need to go on a full on low carb diet. I’m not obese, and I only really want to lose my tummy. I exercise regularly and eat … well, appallingly really. If I cut out the worst carbs (sadly it seems the All Kebab and Cake diet is a pipe dream) and eat more of what I actually enjoy eating (chicken, fish, pork) with large helpings of leafy green veg, sides of peppers and other low sugar veg then I can keep eating the fruit I enjoy and have the odd splurge.

One of the main sticking points I have with reducing my carb intake further is breakfast. Technically bread and cereal are out. A little bit of fruit is ok, but too much and you’re stacking up on the simple carbs again. Eggs, bacon and sausages take time to prepare and it just feels somehow wrong to have a packet of ham slices or a chicken leg.

We’ll see how I go with the current adjustments to my diet before tinkering any more though I think.

Last night I fancied a prawn cocktail. I love prawn cocktail, although they’re rarely large enough, so I took matters into my own hands. One bag of leafy greens, one lot of cherry tomatoes, two packs of fresh prawns (two for one ), and a jar of seafood sauce later and I was ready for a culinary masterpiece.

To prepare I simply took the largest bowl I had, filled half way up with salad leaves and then threw on tomatoes until they didn’t look lonely on the acres of green. A good application of cracked ethnically-diverse pepper was then applied followed by both packs of prawns (suitably drained). Finally seafood sauce was then ladled generously over the top.

Would probably serve 8 as a starter, or just me for a main

There is something about the Full English Breakfast which not only puts it in the top 3 of all breakfast types but that seems to be impossible for foreigners to copy. I’m not sure what it is, but finding a good Full English outside of the UK is rare.

The Americans, as far as I can tell, come closest but they use the wrong type of bacon and overcook it. That said, when in America, you should be doing proper American breakfasts since they too rate in my top 3 and the crispy bacon works well with a stack of pancakes or a waffle. They’re useless when it comes to tea though. Seriously, Americans take note: filling a half drunk cup of tea with hot water without prompting is like pissing in someones beer to fill it up. You just don’t do it. Also, if we’re working with teabags and hot water in a mug then new teabag for each mug full, OK?

The Europeans don’t have a blind clue how to fry an egg, resulting in a rubbery disk and, in the majority of countries, they don’t have the correct bacon either. Tea appears to be a collection of ‘fruit infusions’. This is not tea! I want black tea, preferably English Breakfast tea. And no noncing about with Earl Grey. We’re doing things properly here. Thankfully the Europeans do do a nice line in pastries, crêpes and waffles so it’s not a total write off, just don’t expect breakfast to cure any hangovers.

The Malaysians, due to the Muslim contingent, don’t appear to do pork, or at least not in public food dispensing places. This means they fail at The Full English before they’ve even started. The sausages are heavily processed chicken or beef affairs in the style of hot dog sausages, not big fat butchers sausages (hell, they could get away with beef sausages if they were real ones, the sausage area is one where you can experiment and innovate), and the bacon is ‘beef bacon’. Yes, exactly. Beef bacon seems to be cut from the same part of the cow as you’d get bacon from a pig and comes in thin, salted and fried strips. It’s sort of like hot beef biltong in taste, but not quite. It’s certainly not bacon, and I’m not convinced on its suitability for the breakfast table. Like the Europeans the Malaysians can’t fry an egg to save their life and the rubbery mess sits there next to the strangely large baked beans looking unappetising. Finally, the butter seems to taste odd. This may be a function of it being constantly melted in the heat and then being put back in the fridge. The Malay take on The Full English is, therefore, a complete travesty, but one of our own making. You see, the Malaysians don’t eat Full English Breakfasts for breakfast. No, they eat nasi lemak and other such goodness. Breakfasts that, unless you’re in serious need of curing a bad hangover, rate as my number one breakfast foods.

The fact that foreign climes are having to attempt, and thus balls up completely, our fine breakfast cuisine boils down to the large majority of British holiday makers who won’t eat any ‘foreign muck’. They are, as far as I’m concerned, missing out and have made it so that some mornings in Borneo I wasn’t able to have curry for breakfast. I want these people publicly flogged so the next time I go out there I can eat Malaysian food for all three meals.

In the meantime the first meal we had on our return to Blighty was a massive sausage and bacon sarny with real bacon and proper sausages. Pigs were harmed in the making of this meal

I like Alpen. It’s tasty and it’s got raisins in it which must mean it’s healthy. It’s also got added sugar (as evidenced by the no added sugar version) which may or may not outweigh any raisin based health benefits. Since I’m on a pretty extreme diet (which is going swimmingly, thank you ) I looked at perhaps making my breakfast lower in calories by replacing my Alpen with something else.

First thought was toast. Good old marmite on toast. No, my diet app informs me that this is 300 calories (really?!) and not enough fibre to start my day meaning I’ll be hungry.

Fine, let’s go with no added sugar Alpen. I discovered very quickly that while it looks like normal Alpen it is in fact constructed from little flakes of cardboard cut out and coloured to resemble Alpen but with none of the flavour, save what little taste the raisins can add. Not wishing to be put off I decided to work out what sacrificing taste really gained me. Got to be worth 50 calories at least?

A quick check of the box and we find a portion of Alpen is 146 calories. Compare that to no added sugar which only comes to 141… hang on a minute… 5 calories? I can burn that just smiling about the fact I don’t have to eat the no added sugar crap.

Next up, time to check my portion size compared to the official portion size. According to the box 1 portion is 40 grams. According to my scales 40 grams of Alpen would leave a mouse hungry. Come 10am you’re going to be starving which leads to snacking and before you know it you’ve eaten a whole packet of chocolate biscuits. No, 80 plus grams is much more like a real serving (120 would be better) and that pushes the calorie count up somewhat.

OK, so let’s go the full hog, let’s accept it’s going to taste of cardboard and leave you miserable all day. Let’s eat Special K. Except its diminutive 117 calories comes from a 30g portion. For comparison that’s about the weight of one raisin in my Alpen¹ and if we scale that up to the [now comparatively massive] default Alpen portion it’s nearly 152 calories! For the slow among you: that’s more than my added sugar Alpen.

So what have we learned? Well for starters we’ll be sticking with Alpen for breakfast, and double portions at that ( even occasional forays into Coco Pops won’t hurt provided I don’t do the whole megaportion thing) and when they say “can help slimming as part of a calorie controlled diet” we need to remember that anything (even lard) will make you lose weight as part of the calorie controlled diet. It’s the calorie controlled bit that’s key.

Meanwhile I look for other areas to save on calories. It’s got to be one of the: amount of carrots I eat; the amount of fruit I eat; or all the kebabs. I suspect it’s the carrots.

¹OK, maybe not, but you get the idea.

In my previous blog I documented the procedure for creating perfect pancakes. Since it is Jif Lemon day I decided to once again share my pancake making knowledge with the world¹.

You will need (per person):

• 1 Large Egg (I’m not going to go all ecomentalist on you but free range do taste better)
• 4oz plain flour (sieved if you can be bothered, can cut down on lumps or extra whisking)
• 0.5-1.5oz sugar (use less if you’re making savoury pancakes, more for sweet)
• A quarter of a pint of milk (roughly, depends how thick you want your mixture)

You will also need:

• A mixing bowl (the more people you’re making for the bigger it will need to be)
• A mixing implement (wooden spoon, metal spoon, whatever floats your boat really)
• A whisk² (at a push you can get away with just stirring with a spoon)
• A pancake griddle³ (no, not a pan, see the footnote)
• Optionally: a measuring jug to poor the mixture into (makes it easier to poor into the griffle)

The method:

Sieve (if you’re into that kind of thing) the flour into the mixing bowl. Add the sugar and made a depression for each egg (you can use the egg itself for this). Crack the egg(s) into the mixture and add a small amount of milk. Mix the mixture with the wooden spoon slowly adding more milk. Once all the milk is mixed in take the whisk and go to town. Whisk forward. Whisk backwards. Whisk holding the whisk still, whisk while moving it about⁴. When the mixture is smooth and the constituency of thick soup you’re done. If you have the measuring jug poor the mixture into that, otherwise you’ll need to arrange some way to ladle, poor or otherwise decant the mixture from the bowl to the griddle.

Heat the griddle over a medium flame⁵, poor enough mixture to cover the griddle to a depth of about 2mm. Cook until you see the bubbles that form on the surface of the mixture burst and the surface become solid. Flip the pancake⁶ and cook the other side. Once done put on a plate and consume.

These pancakes can be served with sugar and Jif Lemon (the traditional way), with butter and topping (jam, honey, golden syrup) or with savoury fillings. My favourite is tuna mayonnaise with sweetcorn. Go to town, have fun, knock yourself out. The possibilities are endless and the world is, quite literally, the bivalve of your choice.

One tip is to make up the mixture with less sugar, make savoury pancakes for main, scoff those, add sugar to the remaining mix, make more pancakes, consume for pudding.

Enjoy.

¹Do bear in mind we’re British here, so none of this ridiculously thin French crepe rubbish, nor the stupidly thick, heart attack inducing thick pancakes. These are just right.

²Manually whisking is a pain in the behind, I recommend one of the whizzy whisks when you turn the handle and the two beaters spin. Great for getting rid of lumps in the mixture and huge fun to boot

³Using anything but a pancake griddle here is tantamount to drinking champagne out of a pint glass. We’re not heathens here people, we’re British, we do things properly or not at all. A griddle will be properly seasoned. To maintain the seasoning you don’t want to wash it. To avoid having to wash it you want to just cook pancakes and drop scones on it so it can be wiped clean. You go using something that you also cook bacon and eggs on and it’s going to get washed up and the seasoning will go, you could get flavours leaking in, it might not heat evenly, it might cause the pancakes to stick. No, right tool for the job so if you don’t have a griddle I suggest you go toddle off and get one now, I’ll be waiting when you get back… off you go… quickly!

⁴All this does rather assume the manual whisky thing. If you’ve got a boring hand held whisk (or no whisk at all) then you’re going to miss out. If you’ve got an electric whisk then you’ll probably be done before you have a chance to have fun.

⁵Not using gas? Hah! Good luck

⁶This doesn’t need implements but then you’re probably ignoring my insistence you use a griddle so you’ve only got yourself to blame if you can’t just flip the pancake using the pan and a deft wrist motion.