Dom Davis (The Blog)

If you read the tales of Shelob you’ll have worked out that I am not overly fond of spiders. Small spiders (a few millimetres total leg span) I can cope with, any bigger and we’re entering phobia territory. Shelob had, at a guess, a body that was a quarter to half an inch big and then legs that gave it an overall size of 2-3 inches. A monster… for this country.

The Zozo is not afraid of spiders (or leeches, or, indeed many things). In a previous job she had to look after a Mexican Red Knee (the ones they always use in films) which is, apparently, one of the more docile tarantulas and about as deadly as a bee¹. Recently her current workplace also acquired one of these eight legged beasties and her previous experience means she is best placed to look after it. The problem is her job means she can’t spend much time with Felix² and that means she’d like a pet tarantula of her own. At home. Where I live.

I should perhaps explain a few things at this juncture. The first bring that I cannot say “no” to my wife³ so if she wants a tarantula for Christmas then she shall jolly well have a tarantula for Christmas, phobias be damned! Secondly there is a very big difference between Shelob, a wild, giant, fast, unpredictable spider lurking in our house, waiting, lurking; and a docile pet tarantula living in a locked enclosure made from toughened, bullet proof glass surrounded by laser motion sensors coupled to an alarm system and a fully documented containment strategy complete with “Hammerdown” protocol⁴.

Despite being ostensibly for Christmas I know very little about Tarantulas and their upkeep so me going out and buying everything, setting it up, wrapping it up and putting it under the tree wasn’t going to work. For starters there are 900 different types of tarantula ranging from the merely big to the insanely large (25-30cm!), the docile and slow to the mean and fast. There are arboreal ones, terrestrial ones, old world ones, new world ones, ones from arid climes, ones from humid areas and there’s a rainbow of colour schemes to choose from. No, this was something The Zozo was going to have to pick out herself.

After much deliberation she settled on a Brazilian black. This is supposed to be the most docile tarantula, slow growing, long lived and ideal for beginners. As the name implies they’re jet black and quite attractive in a “keep that thing away from me” kind of way. As fully grown specimens are incredibly hard to come by The Zozo chose a “grown on spiderling” which arrived yesterday.

Sooty⁵ is only about an inch big but already his body size is the same size as Shelobs. In toughly 5 years time, when Sooty is fully grown, he will be 6 inches across and Shelob will be but a snack to him. At that size spiders can just look at the business end of a Dyson and laugh. The Zozo seems to think that, in time, I may become brave enough to handle Sooty. I suspect this is her being overly optimistic. One thing is for sure though, I am secretly looking forward to photographing him

¹ i.e. not very… unless you’re allergic to them so best get yourself down to hospital just in case, but you’ll probably be fine.

² Yes, Felix. Hard to take a beastie seriously, no matter how large and how many legs, when they’re called Felix.

³ This is, of course, unless I’m answering a question that’s starts with the words “Did you remember to…” in which case the answer is invariably “no” said in a small voice with downcast head.

⁴ The exact security arrangements are yet to be thrashed out. It would seem various non-proliferation treaties stop me from using a nuclear Hammerdown option despite it being a well known fact that taking off and nuking the site from orbit is invariably the best option (c.f. Aliens, Cloverfield and point 1 from yesterday’s post if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

⁵ Yes, Sooty. Sooty the Brazilian black tarantula.